Sometimes We Don’t Know, Won’t Say, Or Won’t Allow

Sometimes, we don’t know what we want until we receive it. Sometimes, we won’t say what we want, because we feel we are not allowed to receive it. And sometimes, we won’t say what we want until we allow ourself to receive it.

Let me explain what I mean.

We’ll start with this one: Sometimes, we don’t know what we want until we receive it.

Sex is beautiful if it’s the type of sex you love and enjoy. Maybe you thought sex is what you wanted. But after an experience with the right person, it was everything in the lead up to sex, that’s what you really wanted to receive. It was the conversation, being admired. Being listened to. Being touched in a deeply sensual, nourishing way. Being held. Feeling connection, intimacy, that’s what you really wanted.

The next one: Sometimes, we won’t say what we want, because we feel we are not allowed to receive it.

If there’s no communication, we can feel like we’re not allowed to receive what we really want. Maybe what you want is a slow, sensual unfolding that allows your body to sexually awaken and waves of pleasure to tingle through your body. But because there’s no communication, the other person sets the agenda. They move too fast. They do what they think you want. They do what turns them on. Because they haven’t asked you what you really want. You say nothing. You feel you can’t say anything in case they get upset.

And the last one: Sometimes, we won’t say what we want, until we allow ourself to receive it.

Why?

If you’ve never been given time, or space, or felt safe enough with a sexual partner. You can never fully surrender. Then, maybe partner comes along who gives you the time, space, and makes you feel safe and relaxed. But because you’re not used to this. The allowing yourself to receive can still be difficult. So, you never say what you really want.

It can take time. Time for trust to build. Time to let go of the past. And if you’ve never had attention focused on you and your wants, it feels strange a first getting all the attention for once. It can make you feel guilty. Don’t.

It is 100% okay for you to put your sexual desires, needs and wants first.

It is 100% okay for you to make an unapologetic decision to prioritise your pleasure and well-being

Sam